Meeting the Bass player from Counting Crows

Four years ago I was working three jobs in an attempt to get by.

1. I was teaching computer classes for an Organization that provides unique classes for students that are home schooled.

2. I was teaching beginner guitar lessons privately

3. I was making lattes at Caribou Coffee for the world


One day I got to work at Caribou and my workmates were talking about how the bass player from Counting Crows has been stopping here two-three times a day. My instant thoughts were: “No”, “Why would he come here for coffee when he can go to someplace way cooler”, “why would he be in Minnesota”, “I need to meet him”, “I need him to be my musical in”. I met him a couple days later. His name was Matt Malley and he was sort of what I expected, but not completely. He had that teenager of the 80’s vibe and was always on his cell phone talking to someone that seemed important. Time goes by and I slowly befriend him. He says that they are taking some time off and he’s staying in his personal tour bus at his brother’s house just down the street. Also, he brings in a great book for me to read called “So you wanta be Rock-n-roll star.” He brought me this because we were talking about the processes of making music a profession and how it’s done. The book and he basically said that the biggest ingredient is luck. Anyway, I’ve been a bit suspicious of Matt this whole time. He did counter a ton of my challenges naturally. Giving me that book really made me think he was the real guy. Then I did some research and learned that Matt Malley was born in 1963. The Matt I know was 31 years old (it was 2004). Meanwhile, Matt had be on a date with a friend of mine and been to see my band Look Alive play at the Uptown Bar in Minneapolis. You know where this is going don’t you. This guy’s real name is probably Guy Guyerson. The night after I noticed that he’s 10 years younger than he should be, the Oscar’s were on TV. Low and behold the Counting Crows would be playing their hit some from the movie Shrek. During the performance some other dude was playing bass, so I called him. He didn’t answer and I left a message that said “Hey why aren’t you playing bass at the Oscar’s right now? Maybe because you are a liar.” Then I called my friend that went on a date with him so that she could call him out. She called him….and he answered. She said “I know that you aren’t in the Counting Crows” He said “How?” She said “You aren’t playing at the Oscars” then he hung-up and was never seen at Caribou again. That was the case of the Matt Malley Imposter.




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